What if it's all in my head?
I read a science fiction trilogy (The Neanderthal Parallax by Robert J. Sawyer) a while ago, and at one point, the scientists in the series discovered that humans had mystical religious experiences caused by some external event (I forget what it was, though. Something about the magnetic field maybe?). Basically, in the fictional universe of the trilogy, the sum of all human religious and mystical experiences boiled down to a fluke of human biology.
Of course, reading such a story makes you wonder if there's a bit of truth to the idea.
Heck, even writing this blog has made me question what I believe in. There's something about putting your thoughts down in writing that makes you consider if there's an alternative way of explaining it. And so very often, there is.
So why do I stick with it?
Before I say more, a disclaimer: the why for me is not the same as for everyone. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I'm not really very much of a logical thinker. In Myers-Briggs, I am an INFJ--the F there means I make decisions from feelings not from thinking. Basically, I go by my gut, most of the time. I mean, I put on a good charade of making decisions through thinking. I will do my research, make a pros and cons list, and double-check the logic. And those things can and do influence what I think and feel. But at the end of the day, I am not comfortable making any decision unless it feels right, too. So what is sufficient for me to be convinced will be different than for someone else.
In one of my favourite series (the Shadow series by Orson Scott Card), one of the characters, Bean, suddenly asks his friend and host if there is a back way out of the building they are in, where they can leave without being seen. His friend thinks of a way, and they sneak out. Minutes later, the building explodes. His friend is in awe, and asks Bean how he knew something was going to happen. Bean says he just had a hunch, and that he never ignores those hunches--they have saved his life before--and that he just assumes that they come from when his subconscious has noticed something and his conscious brain just hasn't quite figured it out yet.
I have said before that faith grows like a relationship, and really, that is the answer to why I stick with my faith.
I may not be the best at reading people, but I know what a relationship feels like. There's one guy I know, and for the first little while, I thought for sure he disliked me, and quite possibly hated my guts. He never said or did anything that was inappropriate or rude, but I just had this sense. Then one day, I said something stupid, and he understandably got huffy, and I apologized, and from that day on, it was different. It was like the sun came up, and everything was warmer. I would call him a friend now.
He's not the only one that left me with the impression that they didn't really like me without really doing anything overt to signal it. But I still knew, somehow. Maybe it was their body language, or their tone. I can't explain how I knew. Maybe it was all in my head, just me being insecure. But I don't think so. I think my subconscious noticed something and my conscious brain just never caught up.
But with other people, just them showing up lifts my mood, from somewhere deep down inside. I know they are genuinely happy to see me, and it automatically makes me happier.
It's like that with God. I swear I have conversations with Him. I don't hear a literal voice, it just pops into my head what His reply is. I sense His presence. The sense of His presence changes over time, too--it can be serious, or loving, or holy, or nagging, or mournful, or like a rock in a storm. The sense of His presence feels more distant when I make sinful choices that hurt our relationship. On the other hand, I come to him with worries, insecurities, and guilt, and he turns them into peace and joy. Paul calls it a "love that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3:19).
Maybe it's all in my head. It's a logical possibility, that I cannot deny.
But it feels so very real, so very genuine. If my relationship with God is all in my head, then I'm not sure what I can trust. If my relationship with God is all in my head, then I have to wonder if all my relationships are.
So that's what it takes to convince me. What would convince you?
"Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God." (1 Corinthians 1: 22-24)
Of course, reading such a story makes you wonder if there's a bit of truth to the idea.
Heck, even writing this blog has made me question what I believe in. There's something about putting your thoughts down in writing that makes you consider if there's an alternative way of explaining it. And so very often, there is.
So why do I stick with it?
Before I say more, a disclaimer: the why for me is not the same as for everyone. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I'm not really very much of a logical thinker. In Myers-Briggs, I am an INFJ--the F there means I make decisions from feelings not from thinking. Basically, I go by my gut, most of the time. I mean, I put on a good charade of making decisions through thinking. I will do my research, make a pros and cons list, and double-check the logic. And those things can and do influence what I think and feel. But at the end of the day, I am not comfortable making any decision unless it feels right, too. So what is sufficient for me to be convinced will be different than for someone else.
In one of my favourite series (the Shadow series by Orson Scott Card), one of the characters, Bean, suddenly asks his friend and host if there is a back way out of the building they are in, where they can leave without being seen. His friend thinks of a way, and they sneak out. Minutes later, the building explodes. His friend is in awe, and asks Bean how he knew something was going to happen. Bean says he just had a hunch, and that he never ignores those hunches--they have saved his life before--and that he just assumes that they come from when his subconscious has noticed something and his conscious brain just hasn't quite figured it out yet.
I have said before that faith grows like a relationship, and really, that is the answer to why I stick with my faith.
I may not be the best at reading people, but I know what a relationship feels like. There's one guy I know, and for the first little while, I thought for sure he disliked me, and quite possibly hated my guts. He never said or did anything that was inappropriate or rude, but I just had this sense. Then one day, I said something stupid, and he understandably got huffy, and I apologized, and from that day on, it was different. It was like the sun came up, and everything was warmer. I would call him a friend now.
He's not the only one that left me with the impression that they didn't really like me without really doing anything overt to signal it. But I still knew, somehow. Maybe it was their body language, or their tone. I can't explain how I knew. Maybe it was all in my head, just me being insecure. But I don't think so. I think my subconscious noticed something and my conscious brain just never caught up.
But with other people, just them showing up lifts my mood, from somewhere deep down inside. I know they are genuinely happy to see me, and it automatically makes me happier.
It's like that with God. I swear I have conversations with Him. I don't hear a literal voice, it just pops into my head what His reply is. I sense His presence. The sense of His presence changes over time, too--it can be serious, or loving, or holy, or nagging, or mournful, or like a rock in a storm. The sense of His presence feels more distant when I make sinful choices that hurt our relationship. On the other hand, I come to him with worries, insecurities, and guilt, and he turns them into peace and joy. Paul calls it a "love that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3:19).
Maybe it's all in my head. It's a logical possibility, that I cannot deny.
But it feels so very real, so very genuine. If my relationship with God is all in my head, then I'm not sure what I can trust. If my relationship with God is all in my head, then I have to wonder if all my relationships are.
So that's what it takes to convince me. What would convince you?
"Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God." (1 Corinthians 1: 22-24)
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